When trying to sell, communicate, negotiate, or persuade in any other form, you won’t be surprised to know that what goes on inside your head matters as much as the external techniques you use.
Being focused on teaching and applying the techniques with several clients, and in my courses, I’ve been getting some demand for the “inner game” part as well. That is, what are the traits you need in order to persuade, how to cultivate them, and which matter the most?
We are going to break down the inner game of persuasion into three “families” of traits, and cover each one in detail:
- Persuasive Traits (7 in total)
- Resilient Traits (2 in total)
- Assumptions and Biases (4 in total)
- Common Problems (7 in total);
Each of these topics is important to understand:
- The Persuasive Traits are the ones that make you persuasive. That is, being in possession of these personality traits or practices makes you better at communicating and selling. They give you more “persuasion firepower”;
- The Resilient Traits are the ones that make you more tolerant to hits. Rejection, bad days, and other vicissitudes of the process. They don’t make you more persuasive, but they make you last longer in the fact of adverse effects;
- The Assumptions and Biases are personal, behavioral characteristics you may have that may make you a worse persuader, due to judging or being hostile towards certain groups of people, preventing you from selling to them or persuading them;
Starting with each one, in order:
1) Persuasive Traits (Overview)
In my interpretation, there are a total of 7 persuasive traits to master persuasion in all of its forms (communication, sales, or any other use case).
Naturally, as with anything else in life, the more of these you master, and the better you master each one, the better you become at persuasion. But you don’t need to master all of them in order to become great.
The nine traits are:
- Persistence. The capability to continue insisting, multiple times, with the same offer or proposal.
- Suggestion. The capability to suggest alternative scenarios, hypotheticals, and possibly “hype” up the person you want to persuade;
- Intensity. The capability to be present, serious, and even put some pressure on the other side;
- Attention. The capability to discern – and tailor proposals to – the person’s specific situation and characteristics, by paying attention to their needs and specifities;
- Value. The capability to demonstrate value of some sort. It may be due to objective characteristics, simply being desired by others, due to the urgency of the situation, or in other forms, but, at the end of the day, having value;
- Education. The capability to educate the prospect or persuasion target in terms of your offer, your frameworks, how you do things, and other elements, which makes them easier to persuade;
- Calculation. The capability to engineer a proposal, a perk, or other specific elements to the person, resulting in a higher tailoring of everything, from full proposals to the little things you mention;
2) Resilient Traits (Overview)
These traits are characteristics that, while not making you a better persuader directly, not increasing your “persuasion throughput”, make you more resilient, letting you endure and survive several more situations. Due to the numbers game nature of many persuasion situations, these traits help you persuade more because… you just “stick in there” longer.
In my interpretation, there are 2 key traits for resilience when persuading:
- Acceptance/Harmony. This is the capability to accept everything that will happen. When you don’t accept events, that creates fear, and mental resistance. On the other hand, fully accepting whatever happens makes you prepared for anything;
- Personal Detachment. This is the capability to not be personally involved with situations, and instead seeing yourself as an objective actor, which takes away the impact of negative emotions and situations;
3) Assumptions and Biases (Overview)
Another important aspect of persuasion are the biases and judgments you may have against specific groups of people. These make you persuade less, simply due to the fact that you connect less with this type of people.
I usually define 4 categories of biases and judgments that should be, ideally, mitigated, to persuade any person in any situation:
- Biases and judgments against the wealthy (making negative assumptions about those who have money);
- Biases and judgments against certain political positions (assuming negative things about specific political affinities);
- Biases and judgments against certain industries (assuming negative things about artists, laywers, bankers, or many others);
- Biases and judgments against your own projections (things you hate in yourself and see in others);
4) Common Problems (Overview)
People may also have, in specific, problems when communicating or selling. These are of various natures, but a simplified list includes:
- Being afraid of rejection;
- Being afraid of showing emotion;
- Being afraid of the spotlight;
- Being afraid of being judged;
- Not believing the value proposition (or yourself);
- Being too nervous or rigid;
- Trying to please too much, seeking validation;
1) Persuasive Traits (In-Depth)
Let’s take a look at each of the key traits to better persuade:
PersistenceThe capability to continue insisting with a request or suggestion, not giving up, and slowly warming up the other side (or just wearing them down!).
Persistence is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Escalation of commitment (Attention + Persistence). Asking more and more of the person in some form. You need persistence to achieve this, naturally, combined with attention to gauge what works and how to ramp it up;
- Initiative and involvement (Attention + Persistence). Getting the target involved in persuading them, asking for their opinion or an action towards persuading them, requires persistence, as well as attention, to determine what the person is reacting to;
Persistence can be cultivated through:
- Resisting the tension. In many cases, we don’t persist due to the intensity of the other side. We are stifled or intimidated by them. Simply resisting the tension that the other side creates, and deciding to keep trying anyway, enhances your persistence;
- Believing in your value. In many cases, people don’t persist because they doubt their value, or the value of their value proposition (pun unintended). Therefore, just believing more in your value, and what you can do for the person, lets you persist more;
- Not playing coy. In many cases, we don’t persist due to excuses. “They are busy anyway”. “They would not want this anyway”. And so on. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’re not worth following up on, others will think that too. If you think it’s worth it, they will, too;
SuggestionThe capability to suggest different possibilities, illustrate futures and conditionals, and, in general, just painting a picture of what is not there yet.
Suggestion is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Positioning (Value + Suggestion). Defining your positioning, and specific ones, such as being in a league of your own, require a combination of having value and being able to illustrate it;
- The Dickens Pattern (Attention + Suggestion). Being able to paint both a nightmare and a dream version of the person’s future, based on their actions today, requires a great capacity to illustrate what is not there yet, as well as determining what, in specific, the person cares about;
Suggestion can be cultivated through:
- Visualisation. Being able to visualise how a certain possibility would come true, how a certain future would be, how certain changes compound, and so on all increase your capability to suggest and illustrate different things;
- Creativity. Just having different, unique, “crazy” ideas for how to do different things improves your suggestion. There is usually always a “legitimate” lesson behind every “crazy” idea, and many “crazy” ideas are actually more reasonable than they seem;
- Storytelling. Stories are a very “complete” form of suggestion, as they contain highly specific characters, timelines, consequences, and illustrations of specific effects. They are a great form of suggestion;
IntensityThe capability to be present as a person, not being a pushover and demanding respect. IT can be used to put pressure on others, resist pressure from others, or just be more charismatic in persuading.
Intensity is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Rigidity/Boundaries (Value + Intensity). Enforcing boundaries or processes, and forcing someone to do something a certain way, even if you risk losing them if they don’t comply, requires a combination of having inherent value, with the intensity to enforce these rigid processes;
- Accelerating (Suggestion + Intensity). The objection-handling technique of accelerating, where you take someone’s point and exaggerate it to the point of ridiculousness to destroy it, requires a combination of being able to illustrate the extreme version of their point of view, plus the intensity to say it to their face;
Intensity can be cultivated through:
- Personal decision. Certain aspects, such as being more present and creating tension with body language are just a matter of decision. Decide to carry yourself in a more powerful manner, and you will;
- Challenging. You are either too afraid to challenge the other person, seeking validation, or you are willing to challenge them, and risk them being offended, because it’s for their own good. It’s the old dichotomy of being pleasant versus being truthful. Moving towards the “truthful” side of the spectrum makes you more intense and “real”;
AttentionThe capability to acquire information about the person, making them feel heard and respected, as well as tailoring the conversation – and proposals – to what they want, in specific.
Attention is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- The Diagnostic (Attention + Persistence). Performing a diagnostic, knowing everything about what the person needs, while obtaining information about them and establishing yourself as an expert, requires a combination of paying attention to their needs, with the persistence to ask deep questions and not stop too soon;
- Justifications (Attention + Persistence). The technique of using justifications as a way to bond with the person, getting them to drop their guard and make concessions, requires a combination of paying attention to what they react to, combined with the persistence to apply it;
Attention can be cultivated through:
- Listening. So easy, yet so elusive for a lot of people in sales and persuasion. Simply paying attention to what the person wants, instead of trying to blindly sell something and ramming it down their throats;
- Bonding. Techniques such as empathy, mirroring, personal touch, gifts and other types of identification persuasion create rapport between two people make the other side feel like they are being appreciated and heard… even if they are not;
ValueThe capability to demonstrate value – yourself or in your offering – that may either be inherent, due to the situation, or even due to other factor, such a being desired.
Value is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Limited Access (Value + Suggestion). The capability to enforce deadlines, limited seat numbers, and other forms of artificial scarcity relies on a combination of having value, and illustrating both the demand you have, and how it feels to be left out;
- Flipping (Value + Intensity). The technique of answering an objection by flipping the burden of proof on the other side is a combination of having the intensity to perform the flip, together with having the value that gives you legitimacy to perform it;
Value can be cultivated through:
- Having inherent value. If a product or value proposition is just good, then half of the job is already done for you. Do you do more than others? Are you 10x faster, better, or do something with 10x more value than competitors? And so on. This is inherent value;
- Personal time. For most products that do not contain “human time” involved, such a packaged products, involving some time with a specialist increases its value. Imagine a $2000 ad campaign versus a $2000 ad campaign with live specialist help. Imagine a $497 course versus a $497 course plus live coaching;
- The environment. This also counts a lot, naturally. With changes in technology, demand, competitors and more, some value propositions will tend to be worth more, while others will be worth less. In specific, supply and demand count a lot. Cut the supply of something, and it’s inherently worth more;
- Framing and positioning. The quality of the marketing. Depending on the list of flaws and qualities, these can be made to seem like great qualities, or not at all. The quality of the “marketing alchemy” from raw facts to benefits counts a lot in the perceived value;
EducationThe capability to educate the other side and “convert” them to your way of seeing and doing things, taking them from someone neutral to someone that thinks and acts like you.
Education is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Specialisation (Education + Suggestion). The technique of positioning yourself as a specialist in your field, separate from others, requires a combination of educating the person about the industry, the space, and what you do in it, together with the capability to illustrate how that works in practice;
- Indoctrination (Education + Persistence). Indoctrination sequences, such as in email marketing (or, for a less palatable example, in cults or gangs), consist of progressively educating the person in terms of your view of the world, your language, and your methods, together with the persistence to keep educating and testing them;
Education can be cultivated through:
- Having unique points of view. You can only teach specific frameworks or perspective if you have them. If your way of doing things is the same a everyone else’s, it’s no use teaching it;
- Giving unique names to approaches and frameworks. Things that seem common can be made to seem sexy or desirable through unique names. Products that contain adjectives such as “Exponential”, “Quantum”, “Atomic”, “Superior”, “Ultimate” and similar all seem more powerful just due to the name. Some are more justified than others, naturally;
- Having more content explaining these. Regardless of whether it’s articles, videos or others, chances are you won’t be the one to explain the intricacies of your unique system in a 20-hour session. You need fragments of content that slowly get people acquainted with – and progressively more familiarised with – your value proposition;
CalculationThe capability to determine, in specific, what proposal, what number, what element will make sense for a given person, instead of suggesting something generic.
Calculation is key to persuasion techniques such as:
- Mood and Physiology (Calculation + Persistence). The capability to leverage the other person being in a state of tiredness, confusion, caffeination or others relies on a combination of calculating how to get them there (or ascertaining when they will be in that state), together with the persistence to make use of it;
- Future Lock-In (Calculation + Suggestion). The capability to give someone a temporary benefit in the present, in return for a long-term commitment, relies on a combination of being able to calculate that short-term benefit with the capability to illustrate it;
Calculation can be cultivated through:
- Ironically, practicing another trait, which is Atttention, itself. That is, by just paying attention to what people want and need, you already go a long way in knowing what to tailor, specifically, for them;
- Knowing the main categories of usual benefits presented. Lower prices, personal attention, faster delivery times, etc. There is usually a lis of 10-20 main benefits in products or services. If you know some of these by heart, to a point, you can simply “brute force” it. Do they want a lower price? Faster deployment? Personal time with a manager? Others? And so on;
- Same for a list of usual emotions. That is, what do people want with this product (or value proposition, in general)? At the end of the day, we all buy something because we want to feel a certain way, and there is also a list of 5-10 usual emotions. Feeling respected, loved, proud, supported, desired, and so on. If you know these, again, you can just “brute force” benefits, to a point;
2) Resilient Traits (In-Depth)
Let’s take a look at the traits for higher resilience when persuading:
Acceptance/HarmonyThe capability to accept everything that may happen – and will happen – without fear or mental resistance.
Acceptance and harmony are crucial to:
- Perform better in everyday life, not being held back by various types of obstacles;
- Present more naturally, without discomfort or mental/physical issues;
- Persuade better in the long-term, being able to take more of a “big picture view” instead of being hyperfocused on the details;
Acceptance and harmony can be cultivated by:
- Knowing that things will alway go wrong. Problems will occur, regardless of how good or experienced you are, and regardless of what you are doing. Even the best presenters stutter sometimes. Even the best salespeople make a bad deal sometimes. If you know you’re going to fail from the beginning, you accept it, and you focus on trying to also succeed, instead of focusing on trying to prevent failure, which is impossible;
- Knowing that the process is the same, regardless of success. Many people have the problem of “waiting for a level”. If you just wait until you have enough money, this will be different. If you just deal with higher-quality clients, this will be different. Nope. It will be exactly the same. You face the same rejections for a $100 product than for a $1M product. People are the same, conversations are the same and our emotions work the same;
Personal DetachmentThe capability to not take things personally, and to see yourself as an objective performer, not emotionally involved in the process.
Personal detachment is crucial to:
- Not take rejection personally, realising it’s not about you, and that your value is not at stake;
- Being able to persist when you hear a “hard ‘no'”, not being stopped by it, and continuing to persist;
- Following a consist system to persuade and sell in the same manner, following the same steps regardless of the attitude of the target;
Personal detachment can be cultivated by:
- Knowing that everyone goes through it. If you face rejection – even a harsh one – know it’s not “you in specific” who faces it. Thousands of people face rejection every day, in many cases not warranted, and they keep going. It’s a “universal wound”;
- Knowing we are just bags of chemicals. In a way, your emotions are not your “own”. Not unique to you. They are programmed responses. Someone screams at you, you feel intimidated. Someone humiliates you, you doubt yourself. Recognising these mechanisms are just automated chemical reactions takes away legitimacy from them, and allows you to “override” them;
3) Assumptions and Biases (In-Depth)
Let’s explore the four types of biases and assumptions you make, in specific:
Biases against the wealthyThese are biases that judge people for their money, their wealth, or their power, assuming that there are inherently negative things about them.
These may include:
- Assuming that the money was not earned. That rich people are only rich due to family connection or property, and that their earnings are not legitimate;
- Assuming that the money was earned due to deception. That rich people are only rich due to damaging others, abusing workers, overpricing products, getting government subsidies, and others;
- Assuming that the money was earned without work. That making investments with existing money, having properties that generate income, and others all make someone rich without work, and that the person does not “deserve” it;
- Assuming that the money was earned without merit. That the person may have worked for what they have, but that they weren’t good enough, and that they progressed in their career and made their riches by being mediocre, and possibly due to important friends or social skills. That their wealth level does not correspond to their skill level;
- Last but not least, being jealous of the person. It’s not a logical argument, but it’s one that is very present, nevertheless. Assuming that the person does not deserve their wealth, or that they are inferior, simply because they have more than you;
Biases against political affinitiesThese are biases that judge people for having specific political affinities, or affinities with certain policies, assuming they have no value.
These may include:
- Biases against left-leaning people. Assuming that climate change is not real, that trans or non-binary people are not valid, that workers are worthless and only companies matter, that individuals complaining of high taxes are not valid, etc;
- Biases against right-leaning people. Assuming tradition and religion are useless, that old industries are useless and must be disrupted, that companies are worthless and only workers matter, that companies complaining of high taxes are not valid, and more;
Biases against certain careers/professionsThese are biases against specific industries or careers, judging them morally, or assuming that there is something inherently negative about them.
These may include:
- Biases against salespeople. Ironically, many people in sales assume all other salespeople are dishonest (what does that say about you?). That they take advantage of people, use fine print to damage other people, trick them with inflated claims, and more;
- Biases against bankers. Biases against these may assume that bankers steal from everyone, allow crime in their organisations, protect wealthy people regardless of their value, contribute to discrimination against people with less means, and more;
- Biases against artists. Biases against these may assume artists have no money, that they do not understand numbers and mathematics, that they do not have a foothold on reality and imagine/dramatise too much, that they cannot be taken seriously, and so on;
- Biases against entrepreneurs. Biases against these may include that they inflate their ego, they disrupt things and break systems, hurting people, just to cause a change, and that they overestimate their own capacities;
- Biases against lawyers. Assuming that they help criminals, that they damage people through the fine print in agreements, that they have no life outside documents and rules, and so on;
Biases against your own projectionsThese are biases against specific characteristics of people, which are similar to characteristics that you hate in yourself, and judging others because you are, in reality, judging yourself.
These may include:
- If you are out of shape, judging somebody else for also being out of shape and doing nothing about it. They may speak casually about it, and you judge them for their lack of commitment in this area;
- If you do not have a good relationship, judging someone else for also having one. They may not care about that area of life. You do, and hate yourself for this, so you are hating this person “by proxy”;
- The same if the person is in a bad financial situation, and so are you, and judge yourself for it;
- The same if the person has no friends, or a limited social circle, and you are in a similar state, and judge yourself for it;
The way to mitigate all of these biases and judgments is the same, regardless of their “type”. And that is, to see the positive side in these traits. Something you can admire and respect.
- If you are judging someone for having the banker profession, what are some things you could appreciate about it? Keeping money safe from criminals? Bringing stability to the financial system? Democratising lending and investing?
- If you are judging someone for being out of shape, when you identify with them and hate yourself in this area of life, what can you appreciate about them? Did they advance in their career with the time they didn’t invest into fitness? Do they have a loving family? Are they enjoying life nevertheless?
A basic principle of our mindset is that it’s impossible to be grateful for something and to hate it or judge it at the same time. Therefore, being grateful or appreciating someone is a good shortcut to removing these biases.
4) Common Problems (In-Depth)
You may also have, naturally, multiple problems occur when trying to communicate or sell. These can occur for various reasons, related to you, your value proposition, or the target, and they may be present in all forms of persuasion, from 1-on-1 sales on a sales call, to speaking in front of 100 people.
Let’s take a look at each of them:
Being afraid of rejectionYou fear that people won’t accept you, or your message, and you don’t even take risks due to it.
This is a very frequent fear when communicating or selling. We all feel like we may get rejected by the other person, and, in many cases, we don’t even take action due to it. We fear hearing “no”, hearing we are not good enough, or just hearing we are not wanted.
How to overcome this issue:
- Realise that rejection always occurs. Remember the principle of acceptance. You will get rejected. But that’s because everybody does. And everybody faces it in the path to success. The more you are rejected, the more you will also succeed;
- Visualise the worst-case scenario. Practically all cases of rejection don’t even come close. Let’s say the worst-case scenario is someone screaming in your office, complaining about you, and you getting fired due to it. Now, is what happens in reality even close? No. It’s probably just passive-aggressive whining and people excusing themselves. That’s it;
Being afraid of showing emotion or personalityYou are OK with being formal and logical, but you fear that, once you show a little bit of emotion, or of your true personality, that people will not like you, and that you will receive a negative response.
Very frequent in logical people. You have a formal, logical, objective person you put out there, but you are afraid that, if people see the “real you”, they will not be persuaded or like you anymore. And, due to that, you never really bond, tell personal stories, or show any part of the “real you”.
How to overcome this issue:
- Believe in yourself more. Not showing emotion and personality usually comes from the wrong assumption that, in some way, you are not good enough. Have the mindset that everyone is unique, but everyone is acceptable. Everyone has some likeable characteristic, and everyone can show personal stories and emotion. And they are all acceptable;
- Don’t judge others. In many cases, judging others for their personal tastes and likes is why you also judge yourself for yours. The more you start accepting others, the more you start accepting yourself;
Being afraid of the spotlightYou’re afraid of receiving too much attention from other. Of being scrutinised, of having every small action or word evaluated by others. It’s not necessarily a fear of being judged (that’s another specific fear), but in this case it’s just the fear of having too much attention and scrutiny.
When you are afraid of many people looking at you, many people hearing your words at once, many people forming opinions about you, and other situations, those are forms of having a fear of the spotlight.
How to overcome this issue:
- Realise the spotlight already exists. Sorry to break it to you, but you already have dozens or hundreds of people evaluating you every day. When you walk by others on the street, when they see you sitting at the coffee shop, when you wear a certain piece of clothing, and in many other situations, lots of people are already scrutinising you and forming judgments. They forget about it after 2 seconds, but still, it already happens;
- Realise that it’s a necessary evil. Yes, you will have attention, but so do many other people who communicate and sell. It’s part of the process. Everyone goes through it, and you’re not being judged any more harshly than others;
Being afraid of being judgedYou’re afraid that people are going to make value judgments about you. That your accent is weird, that your clothing is different, that your product is bad, and so on. Personal judgments.
When you are afraid of others judging you, considering that something about you may be weird or inadequate, from your voice, to your looks, specific expressions you use, or others, those are all signs of being afraid to be judged.
How to overcome this issue:
- Realise that you’re judged anyway. If you’re afraid someone will think your clothing is weird, or that you have a funny accent, and so on, you don’t need to be speaking or selling for that to happen. People judge others in everyday life, and, more than that, they will judge you regardless. If your clothing is too good, you will be judged for being pretentious. If your clothing is too bad, you will be judged for looking poor. If your clothing is adequate, you will be judged for being average and not standing out. You will be judged regardless of what you do;
- Realise that most people don’t care. Imagine when you judged someone else. You saw someone with a funny coat on the street. Did you keep thinking about it for days, months, years? No. You thought, “Oh, that’s funny”, then crossed the road to the next street, and it was already out of your mind. Most people are so worried about their own stuff that their judgments don’t last more than mere seconds;
Not believing in what you’re pitching (or in yourself)You don’t believe what you are pitching – or your own skills – and, therefore, you believe it’s not a good option for your target. Therefore, you don’t sell or speak with certainty.
When you don’t believe what you have to say – or sell – you “play to not lose” instead of “playing to win”. You may recommend things to a point, or make points to a certain extent, but you never fully embrace them, and you never really go the last minute, because you always have some sort of hesitation there.
How to overcome this issue:
- Make a clear decision. Even when you’re making points you’re not too sure of, or when pitching something that is not 100% right, you need to make a binary decision. Do I fully sell this, or do I fully walk away? You cannot be in the middle of the two. Because that generates uncertainty. Calculate both the consequences of fully selling that thing, and the consequences of fully walking away, and pick one;
- Learning time and doing time. This analogy is very efficient for this problem. This concept splits the time to do something with confidence, and the time to learn, and you only do one at a time. For example, if pitching a product, but you believe there are improvements that can be made, then you have a dedicated “learning time” to fix those issues and learn more, when you don’t sell, and you have a dedicated “doing time,” when you sell with 100% confidence, and put the problems aside. And the two times do not mix. Each has a purpose;
Being too nervous or rigidSomething is making you feel too nervous, and you don’t allow yourself to be creative, relaxed, and bond with the person. You become too stiff, too rigid, as if someone is watching and judging you.
This problem comes from both lack of belief and lack of practice. If you believe in yourself more, then you will be less nervous, but it’s also intimately connected with the format of what you are doing. In other words, if you are presenting in public, the best way to stop being nervous about presenting in public is to just… present more in public. You want that relaxed feeling of someone that is walking into a situation they already know, something they have already done 500 times, and where they know everyone. Almost a boring feeling.
How to overcome this issue:
- Recognise your experience. In many cases, even if you have already done something, and are good at it, you may not recognise it. You have to consciously make the decision that you’ve already gone through the maturation ritual, and “you’ve arrived”. You can stop being nervous about selling on the phone after 1 call, or after 50 calls. It’s all up to you, and when you give yourself permission to consider that you already “know” this;
- Embrace the “boring”. In the world of nowadays, we all want things that are new, exciting, different. But doing the same boring thing, many times repeated, has a lot of value, and that is what helps here. Seek the feeling of being bored, because you already know how to do this, and have done it a lot;
Trying to please or not showing valueYou keep trying to tell others what you think hey want to hear, seeking validation, instead of saying what will really work. You don’t challenge others or discuss points – you just want to be liked.
A variation of other problems, such as being nervous or not believing in yourself. But, in this specific issue, you are obsessed with validation, seeking it from others. Your goal is not performance, but being pleasant.
How to overcome this issue:
- Realise being pleasant won’t necessarily get you results. People in power expect others with power to challenge them and to correct them. Being pleasant, and telling the person what they want to hear, is no guarantee at all of getting results. It doesn’t even mean the person will like you;
- Disagree. People who care too much about the opinions of others, or too intimidated, are frequently unable to even disagree with the person. Being able to disagree with someone is the basic step in dropping the need for validation and speaking your honest mind. Even if respectfully and politely, practice it;
- Approach a “coach” mindset. Coaches work in a very basic manner – they only care about your performance, no matter how brutal the process is. You may hate them, in the end, but you will come out the other side with better skills. You want to emulate the same, being a challenger or a coach. The goal is not for them to be your friends. The goal is for them to improve;
We took a look at the main components of the “inner game” of persuasion. That is, dialing the internals to better sell and persuade. These included:
- 7 Persuasive Traits:
- 2 Resilient Traits:
- Personal Detachment;
- 4 types of Assumptions and Biases:
- Against wealth;
- Against political affinities;
- Against specific professions;
- Against your own projections;
- 7 types of Common Problems:
- Fear of rejection;
- Fear of showing emotion and personality;
- Fear of the spotlight;
- Fear of being judged;
- Not believing in yourself/the value proposition;
- Being too nervous/rigid;
- Trying to please/seeking validation;